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When he told me that he did not love me anymore - 2004:

No reaction.  His hair reefed from the storm that day,
hands like two nets touching each other. Women in
my position throughout history have cried, have cast

bodies at their lover's feet.  But me, no reaction: no
ellipsis where my heart should be.  No monster on
my shoulders.  No days after, nothing but cold pudding
in the refrigerator, wearing nothing but a pink bathrobe,

arms like doves or rain.  No weeding the garden again.
And again, and again, so often that the children start
to notice and laugh.  Not me.  When he told me that
he no longer loved me, I felt like the universe was

listening and if I replied with a wail or cry, it would
judge me for it - open up, hook its beak into my
face, drag me from here.  Women throughout history

know what I am talking about: there is a weakness
in us that makes us more written down than acted
out.  But, there I was, no reaction: the universe teethed
a little, like a baby, as he said I was not beautiful enough
or perhaps I was an idiot or perhaps I was not good
enough in bed.  The rosebushes, the potatoes, the
tomato plants needed weeding and I wanted to weed
them for hours.  Instead, I grabbed him as if he were

Indian corn, his palms were sweaty, his face a little
more than halfway there.  No reaction.  For at least
fifteen minutes we stared at each other, no reaction.  

Men expect weeping, they expect us to care a little
more than the universe wills us to care.  Behind him,

the weatherman on television said there was a
75 percent chance of hurricane and violent winds.
Women throughout history are in the shape of

their parents.  I kicked him in the scrotum,
I knocked him in the head.  I did not have a reaction

for fifteen whole minutes and the universe
was in the shape of two dogs who meet for the
first time, sniffing asses, feeling each other out
for possible aggression or sadness.  No reaction,

as he said he did not love me anymore, for
fifteen whole minutes because it took me that
long to realize he was serious.

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